Presenting the appalling presenter

Just in case there’s anyone who doubts your ineptitude, indolence, ignorance and supercilious nature, make sure you include the following elements in your next presentation:

* Ass Narcissism - "I’m just going to turn my back on you now and read all my slides off the screen. Enjoy the view!" * Tolstoy wannabe - "I know that I can fit the entire text of War & Peace onto the next three slides. Thank God for sub-bullets!" * Myopia - these presenters literally cannot see beyond the end of their nose and so fail to notice that their audience is either asleep or has gone home. * Tunnel vision - those who can see only the one person in the audience who is smiling and nodding out of sympathy, not the other 99 who have fallen asleep/gone home. * "I'm Eclipse Boy!" - "There must be some moth in my genetic heritage; but you can read the slide off my chest can’t you?" * Hypoempathy - presenters who use the phrase, “Now this is a very important point” more than once never ask themselves the essential question - important to who[m]? * "Gotta sing, gotta dance" - "Sure, this topic could have been covered in an email, but what can I say? I just loooove being bathed in the glow of the data projector." * Jazz hands - a subset of "Gotta Sing" in which the presenter imitates a puppeteer on speed (thanks Mike) * Slide amnesia - a subset of Ass Narcissism, when the presenter seems surprised that a certain slide has popped up on screen and is forced to read it out word for word … * Dispunctional - the presenter has no concept of time and is eating into the next presenter's slot or, worse yet, into coffee break. * Complarrogance - a rare condition, characterised by all of the above symptoms. (Fortifyservices)